THINGS OF INTEREST:
Web interview: Aug 2008. For a sex n relationship site.
Today I have the great pleasure of speaking to Mistress Bella, a Domme from Melbourne, Australia.
Bella greets me first, as I reluctantly drag my sorry arse away from the search for even more stuff for my Sims, and hunker down for an in-depth discussion of what it’s like to be Mistress Bella. At this stage, I am still working on writing up questions for the interview, but that doesn’t bother Bella, so our conversation takes a casual tone while I scurry to research the topic as I’m conducting the interview. Ah, the twin joys of multitasking & conducting an interview via IM.
I begin by mentioning the stereotypical question jokingly supplied by Cynical – “Do you get off on torturing people?” To be honest, I’m not so sure that question wasn’t directed at me, but Bella laughs it off & says that everyone asks that.
“I get off watching others get off but not a total sexual thing more of a mind thing. Can’t describe the look of happiness on their faces as I do this stuff to them. I practice mental bondage as well. So a lot of eye contact during sessions”
She says that she needs to know where her sub’s head space is, that she pretty much does what her subs are into in her own style. Sounds a lot like wish fulfillment to me – a leather-clad fairy godmother with a whip instead of a wand, I say, and she puts me straight on that stereotype right away.
“Yeah, (it’s) very stereotyped, as leather and latex are fetishes, not a dress code for Dommes. Dommes wear lingerie - footwear depends if sub has foot fetish. I wear anything from the usual black boots to stilettos.”
Well, that totally squashes any thoughts of latex, rubber & vinyl that I used to couple with BDSM. So that’s who the lingerie section at Sexyland is aimed at. Who knew?! Since I broached the topic so nicely, I ask about the other typical stereotypes she would like to turn on their heads. It turns out that I’ve gotten the two biggies squared away within the first half hour.
Bella is a member of the FemDomme Society, having just graduated from Domme University. She now holds the rank of Madame, and aspires to be Baroness. But Domme University is mere the tip of the iceberg, as Bella believes that a well-trained Domme is a good Domme. In describing the adorably-phrased “Domme University”, Bella walks me through her transition from sub to Domme.
“Well I used to be connected to a club called Hushnow run by a Mistress Tan. She is an amazing womon. I will explain womon as I woo no man wont use women, unless official. She ran class from her club. I first went there as a sub with my Master. I had a one on one convo with Mistress Tan and it changed my life and made me realise I was meant to be a Domme to b honest. So I asked for my release as I was a collared sub and became a Domme. Well she asked me how I was enjoying been a sub so I told her I wasn’t. I told her how if felt, and things I wanted to try, etc, so she steered me in the right direction. I then started lessons with her at Hushnow and became the Domme I am today.
She also values the welfare of her subs, so she also keeps her first aid certificates up to date. This seems pretty responsible of her to me, so I ask if this is standard procedure for Dommes. “Well depends on the Domme. So do, some don’t. Lots of amateurs out there. I try to keep up with what's going on and I always research before a session. I kept my first aid certificates up after leaving the fire service”
I have this idea in my head that the sub is really the one in control as the boundaries are pretty much set by their needs, wants, or desires, so I ask.“No. A sub gives up all rights and has no input into sessions unless there is something he wants to try.”
Damn. My rather hasty research at Kinky Dictionary was obviously sub-par. Looks like I need clarification on consent as it applies to BDSM. Thankfully, I have Mistress Bella here to set me straight.
“Ok before session I ask sub if he is there on his own free will and that everything that takes place is 100% consensual. We have session rules. A subs consent is basically you can do anything to him he surrenders himself to you completely.
Oh. That makes sense. Well, I can’t really be faulted for being a noob, so I ask what advice Bella has for the toe-dipping tentative. Her advice should be taken by everyone, not just BDSM noobs.
“Well to be honest be careful and only try things you are 100% consensual about. It’s all about trying different things and what works for you.”
Since this is tying in so nicely with the realm of sexuality that I <i>doi> understand, I ask what it is that makes BDSM different from when I play around with handcuffs in the bedroom with Mr Science.
“Lots of vanillas role play at BDSM. But to them more of a game as they really don’t understand the concept of things. For example, what it’s like to totally give yourself to someone else. It’s all about power control and how far a sub is willing to please his Mistress. Most people have kinks and fetishes it’s up to the person whether they take further and how far. Most just play BDSM scenarios in bedroom and others take to next level and explore further. They are the serious submissive's. We also have agreements we enter into with our submissive's”
So, the difference is that in a "vanilla" scenario, consent is given minute by minute & changes with the needs of a day, and in a BDSM scenario, consent is given at the start & changes when the person in charge says so. Well, that’s pretty clear. Playing ‘tie-me-up-honey’ in the bedroom isn’t the same as being a contractually obligated sub. And don’t you forget it!
Mistress Bella is currently seeking a lifestyle slave. If you are interested in contacting her, or would like to find out more about the culture, please take a look at istress_Bella.femDommesociety.com“>her entry at the FemDommeSociety, or use the ikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_BDSM “>BDSM Wiki as a launch pad to enlightenment.
Many thanks to Mistress Bella for agreeing to be interviewed.
Floopyboo
Today I have the great pleasure of speaking to Mistress Bella, a Domme from Melbourne, Australia.
Bella greets me first, as I reluctantly drag my sorry arse away from the search for even more stuff for my Sims, and hunker down for an in-depth discussion of what it’s like to be Mistress Bella. At this stage, I am still working on writing up questions for the interview, but that doesn’t bother Bella, so our conversation takes a casual tone while I scurry to research the topic as I’m conducting the interview. Ah, the twin joys of multitasking & conducting an interview via IM.
I begin by mentioning the stereotypical question jokingly supplied by Cynical – “Do you get off on torturing people?” To be honest, I’m not so sure that question wasn’t directed at me, but Bella laughs it off & says that everyone asks that.
“I get off watching others get off but not a total sexual thing more of a mind thing. Can’t describe the look of happiness on their faces as I do this stuff to them. I practice mental bondage as well. So a lot of eye contact during sessions”
She says that she needs to know where her sub’s head space is, that she pretty much does what her subs are into in her own style. Sounds a lot like wish fulfillment to me – a leather-clad fairy godmother with a whip instead of a wand, I say, and she puts me straight on that stereotype right away.
“Yeah, (it’s) very stereotyped, as leather and latex are fetishes, not a dress code for Dommes. Dommes wear lingerie - footwear depends if sub has foot fetish. I wear anything from the usual black boots to stilettos.”
Well, that totally squashes any thoughts of latex, rubber & vinyl that I used to couple with BDSM. So that’s who the lingerie section at Sexyland is aimed at. Who knew?! Since I broached the topic so nicely, I ask about the other typical stereotypes she would like to turn on their heads. It turns out that I’ve gotten the two biggies squared away within the first half hour.
Bella is a member of the FemDomme Society, having just graduated from Domme University. She now holds the rank of Madame, and aspires to be Baroness. But Domme University is mere the tip of the iceberg, as Bella believes that a well-trained Domme is a good Domme. In describing the adorably-phrased “Domme University”, Bella walks me through her transition from sub to Domme.
“Well I used to be connected to a club called Hushnow run by a Mistress Tan. She is an amazing womon. I will explain womon as I woo no man wont use women, unless official. She ran class from her club. I first went there as a sub with my Master. I had a one on one convo with Mistress Tan and it changed my life and made me realise I was meant to be a Domme to b honest. So I asked for my release as I was a collared sub and became a Domme. Well she asked me how I was enjoying been a sub so I told her I wasn’t. I told her how if felt, and things I wanted to try, etc, so she steered me in the right direction. I then started lessons with her at Hushnow and became the Domme I am today.
She also values the welfare of her subs, so she also keeps her first aid certificates up to date. This seems pretty responsible of her to me, so I ask if this is standard procedure for Dommes. “Well depends on the Domme. So do, some don’t. Lots of amateurs out there. I try to keep up with what's going on and I always research before a session. I kept my first aid certificates up after leaving the fire service”
I have this idea in my head that the sub is really the one in control as the boundaries are pretty much set by their needs, wants, or desires, so I ask.“No. A sub gives up all rights and has no input into sessions unless there is something he wants to try.”
Damn. My rather hasty research at Kinky Dictionary was obviously sub-par. Looks like I need clarification on consent as it applies to BDSM. Thankfully, I have Mistress Bella here to set me straight.
“Ok before session I ask sub if he is there on his own free will and that everything that takes place is 100% consensual. We have session rules. A subs consent is basically you can do anything to him he surrenders himself to you completely.
Oh. That makes sense. Well, I can’t really be faulted for being a noob, so I ask what advice Bella has for the toe-dipping tentative. Her advice should be taken by everyone, not just BDSM noobs.
“Well to be honest be careful and only try things you are 100% consensual about. It’s all about trying different things and what works for you.”
Since this is tying in so nicely with the realm of sexuality that I <i>doi> understand, I ask what it is that makes BDSM different from when I play around with handcuffs in the bedroom with Mr Science.
“Lots of vanillas role play at BDSM. But to them more of a game as they really don’t understand the concept of things. For example, what it’s like to totally give yourself to someone else. It’s all about power control and how far a sub is willing to please his Mistress. Most people have kinks and fetishes it’s up to the person whether they take further and how far. Most just play BDSM scenarios in bedroom and others take to next level and explore further. They are the serious submissive's. We also have agreements we enter into with our submissive's”
So, the difference is that in a "vanilla" scenario, consent is given minute by minute & changes with the needs of a day, and in a BDSM scenario, consent is given at the start & changes when the person in charge says so. Well, that’s pretty clear. Playing ‘tie-me-up-honey’ in the bedroom isn’t the same as being a contractually obligated sub. And don’t you forget it!
Mistress Bella is currently seeking a lifestyle slave. If you are interested in contacting her, or would like to find out more about the culture, please take a look at istress_Bella.femDommesociety.com“>her entry at the FemDommeSociety, or use the ikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_BDSM “>BDSM Wiki as a launch pad to enlightenment.
Many thanks to Mistress Bella for agreeing to be interviewed.
Floopyboo